Reviewer’s Review – Zero Punctuation

So I was watching ‘X-Play’ to catch myself up on the latest gaming word. Sometimes they do segments on the show where they invite those in the industry and talk about the latest game they’re developing. On these times of the show I couldn’t find any more boring. Why? Because they don’t really do anything to hype up the game, they describe the game’s features in a mono-tone ‘reading the manual’ type a way. Take this ‘Hands on: Starcraft II’ as an example. Is it just me or was this not worth the time recorded,

‘Oooo… The Zerg can dig now, scary. The Queen Zerg *is* a threat, well didn’t see that one coming.’

Anyway, on other occasions they bring in someone of true note like Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw; creator of a ‘Zero Punctuation’- a unique game reviewing video with a style as subtle as blowtorch. At first when I saw the few minutes of his work on x-play I thought:

“Great! Another angry, self-important, brit trying to tell me what’s-what’s! Pass on that.”

Admittedly I did chuckle on what I saw but in the long run I thought he was all mouth, and no substance. As the weeks went on though they kept presenting previews of Zero Punctuation so I figured enough’s enough. I decided to go to their website, ‘The Escapist’, and watch a complete episode for myself. Well I’m sad to say not only is Zero Punctuation is good, it probably the most brutally honest game reviewer I’ve ever seen (sorry ‘X-Play’).

Behind his arrogant, tactless, enema-like analyzation of a game, hides a brilliant understanding of said game. Gives credit where credit is due, but clearly draws attention to where a game fails; such as a game being over hyped in the eyes of the industry or when a current game’s play style have been done before, and sometimes even better, by games in the past (Bioshock ala System Shock). Wrap this underline genius under humor with language I can only describe as Cartman-ese and strangely enough you got yourself a winner. A shame though – I enjoy putting the opinionated smackdown as I see fit, but I can’t in this case because every video I’ve saw so far has been spot on in both humor and reviews.

I maybe tough, but I’m fair.

So congrats Croshaw, you walk out of here still the champ, but now you got my attention so it ‘s zero tolerance for Zero Punctuation. What you bring to the table, I expect you’ll keep.

G4 – Geared towards mutant shut-ins that nobody likes

Ladies and Gentlemen: I am a video gamer; it is something I take very seriously. I have devoted much of my short life to this art form and, to a lesser extent, technology (for obvious reasons). I can’t name the actors who played in ‘Sewer Shark’; but I’ve played Sewer Shark and to this very day I believe it should get a sequel, that’s right, I’m hard core. This isn’t about the unfair treatment of an overlooked gem, no this particular rant has ‘G4’ written all over it. Let’s go back in time to the year 2002, Comcast (yes that Comcast) and Insight Communications revealed to the world a TV network that focused on the gaming industry. Well when news of that hit my ears I had to get it, no matter what. When I did, it was like the Super Nintendo all over again, pure nirvana.

For a while, life for a gamer was pretty good – sure the shows were a little green but they were good. My personal favorite was Portal; a scripted show about MMORPG’s, funny and brilliant.

In time I figured their shows would improve greatly and give creditability to video games as a true art form to the masses, but sadly they would never get a chance. In March 25, 2004 (almost 4 years anniversary now) the powers that be decided to combine the networks of both G4 and ‘Tech TV’ (another cool network I used to watch) to into one super network. Now on paper it’s a beyond excellent idea, especially for me; the best of both networks on one channel – win/win right?

Well little did I (and the general G4 viewership) know that this was beginning of the end. No sooner did the ink dry on the paperwork, they started making changes. Not the kind of changes that means move to a different time slot, but the kind that guts all that was good about both networks and replace them with B.S. which the world has never seen before. ‘Attack of the Show‘ is the best example of this. It tries to be ‘cool’ or ‘generation now’ but all I see is a bunch a jack-offs who got lucky. Seriously I think they’re high half the time; they would have to be to come up with the warped segments on their show.

Don’t get me started with the hosts either, a 2^nd rate model with a dude who makes anyone else look good by comparison only completes the bastardization of this show. The things that come out of their mouths make even our 43rd president’s own words seem intelligent.

This is the stuff I have to content with every time I change to G4 now; and remembering how it uses to be – makes me even more upset! Instead of creative, game-centered programming; I get freakin’ ‘Cops‘, ‘Cheaters‘ and soft-core porn (after 11 pm)! The only reason I still pay $45.00 extra every month for it, is that still provide small residue of tech and gaming information in the form of X-Play and other news bites. I’ll give the devil its due too, not everything in this G4 is complete P.O.S. The foreign T.V. shows ‘Ninja Warrior’ and ‘Unbeatable Banzuke’ are interesting, but I would gladly trade them both to get old G4 back; or at least the Canadian version of G4, because unlike here in the states, they wisely keep a lot of the Tech TV / G4 programming. The main reason they changed G4, is to focus their target audience to male viewers like ‘Spike TV’; to create a network ‘inspired’ by video games.

This is simply NOT the case.

All this network is now is a mish-mash of random shows, pointless commentary, you-tube trash, & questionable commercials. It’s like a popular child actor who has fallen of hard times, no longer the ‘TV 4 gamers’ (Their former motto) now the ‘TV for who the hell knows’.

*sigh*

Oh well, we’ll always have Portal…