AFK Articles – TBL’s 10 Best and 10 Worst Halloween Treats

Ohhh…that was the best Halloween haul I’ve ever had, now to do the lists. Huh…November sev…oh fuuuno nonononononono, I’m so dead, which would have also been appropriate for Halloween. Oh I know, if I do the lists and pretend that I did it on Halloween, then no one will realize I messed up. Yeessssss…excellent.

Heh heh heh…**ahem** Hi there, I’m True BackLash and this is my list of the10 Best and 10 Worst treats for Halloween.

Ahh treats is there any other reason why we celebrate Halloween? Well except for dressing in costumes, and egging peoples houses and well, getting treats is very important. Getting the right treats can make or break a night of pounding the pavement in the middle of the cold dead of night. How does each treat stack up, well let’s stop with the banter and get to it.

Honorable Mention Worst: Candy Corn
Candy Corn
You see, I’ve never not liked Candy Corn, wasn’t a favorite of mine, but I don’t have anything against it personally. No most other people will tell you it’s worse than death and I’ve never understood why. So as a courtesy to all who hate Candy Corn, here ya’ go.

Honorable Mention Best: Chips
Potato Chips
They’re salty, greasy and can get stuck in your teeth, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that they were very tasty. They got noting on the sweet stuff on Halloween, but yeah, chips, along with nachos and cheese puffs are satisfying enough.

10 Worst – Hard and Stale Gum
Gum
I love gum, and despite its great taste you can’t digest it. That’s a cruel enough blow on a holiday of eating primarily sugary sweets, they to give trick or treaters (especially little kids) your leftover gum or giant gumballs only to have them spit it out once the flavor runs out is unforgivable.

10 Best – Fruit Candies
Skittles
Whether they are gummies, Skittles, Jolly Ranchers or Starbursts, Fruit Candies gives you a juicy taste of fruit in candy form. It’s a delicious fusion of flavors unlike just fruit (I’ll get back to that in a minute).

9 Worst – Sticky Candies
Salt Water Taffy
By this I mean stuff like Sugar Daddys and Taffy. Does anyone even want to put the effort into eating stuff that will slow down the process of eating the rest of your treats? Besides, for older trick or treaters that crap is murder on your teeth.

9 Best – Mint Candies

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tasty, sometimes chocolate-coated, low-fat and it freshens your breath. Yep no downside from where I see.

8 Worst – Bland Popcorn
Popcorn
I ain’t talking about Orville Redenbacher here folks. No, this is saltless, butterless, fake cheeseless and overall flavorless Popcorn. The only things that this Popcorn shares with the good stuff is you can expect to get a kernel stuck in your teeth, or worse, under your tongue. And no making it a Popcorn ball doesn’t help.

8 Best – Sugar Candies
Pixie Stix
Pixie Stix, Nerds and Smarties aka raw sugar with colors and flavors. The guiltiest of the guilty pleasures these treats are quick to eat and addictive (it’s mainly sugar after all).

7 Worst – Coupons and Gift Cards
Gift Card
It’s a nice thought, but honestly if it can’t be used that night (most stores are near closed during trick or treating), it defeats the purpose of giving a treat on Halloween.

7 Best – Little Hugs
Little Hugs
Little juice with tamper-proof wrapping, perfect to drink during trick or treating, let alone after.

6 Worst – Educational Literature
Future 5
Why? Why give anyone comic with a PSA in it? Why give some kind of pamphlet or statistic? This is Halloween, school can wait for a bit Even if it makes treaters informed, the Ed. Lit. will probably be in the nearest trash bin soon enough.

6 Best – Rice Crispies Treats
Rice Krispies Treat
Rice Crispies Treats are Marshmellowey, gooey and crunchy. But they are also tasty with the added benefit that it doesn’t get stuck in your teeth. Turing cereal into a delicious treat is better use than getting your daily vitamins IMHO.

5 Worst – Dental Products
Dental Products
Again, while it’s admirable, giving Toothbrushes, Floss or Mouthwash on Halloween is just wrong. Not only would they be the antithesis to everything on my best list, but just to give out fun size Toothpaste and Mouthwash that’s only good for half a week shows how much the person giving out said products really cares about your oral hygiene (fyi not much).

5 Best – Chocolate Bars
Hershey's Bar
MMMMMMmmmmm, Choclate….. (drools), They come in all shapes and sizes filled with nuts, nougat, caramel etc. they are all unique, but the ones with just chocolate are classic.

4 Worst – Fruit
Fruit
A Candy Apple is pushing it, but an Apple? Fruit just feels out of place on Halloween. It’s more unpopular than Candy Corn. They also whack out your tastebuds after you eat candy.

4 Best – Tootsie Rolls
Tootsie Rolls
They’re little, but don’t get it twisted. Tootsie Rolls are so versatile. They are choclate, vanilla, fruit flavored, tall short, wrapped in wrappers, embedded in suckers I can go on and on. Whatever your fix, Tootsie Roll can satisfy it.

3 Worst – Black Licorice
Blech Licorice
Probably the nastiest garbage, I’ve ever tasted. I almost got nauseous from eating it. Makes a good paperweight or doorstop though.

3 Best – Hard Carmel Candies
Hard Carmel Candies
Smooth, creamy flavor Carmel Candies feel like they are wrapped with love. It’s not too sweet or too big or small, it’s just right.

2 Worst – Pennies
Pennies
Honestly, what can you get with a Penny nowadays. You can’t even get Penny Candy with a frikkin Penny. There’s only one injustice that’s worse than this, but first…

2 Best – M & M’s

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s an American classic; M & M’s are often duplicated but never perfected by countless ripoffs. Like Tootsie Rolls, these hard shell candies are very versatile. Pick you pleasure, peanuts, peanut butter, pretzels, and almonds? you crave it. M & M’s will likely have it. Classic.

1 Worst – Nothing
Nothing
Not much to say here other than, at least with the other worst examples, there was some effort put into it. Heck even by giving a Penny, money was spent.

1 Best – Peanut Butter Cups
Peanut Butter Cups
IMHO, the tastiest treat ever on Halloween. Right size, right shape, filled with peanut butter and covered in chocolate. It’s the perfect treat (unless your allergic to peanuts, then sorry). To get a handful of those made my night when I was a kid and I know I’m not alone.

 

 

Well there you have it folks, enough treats to last till Thanksgiving. Now excuse me **nom** I’ve got to get back to **mmmmm** my precioussssss **ahem** til’ next time…ummm this is TrueBackLash and this is MY CANDY!

1 Comment

  1. […] King, and the Armada’s own living database, is a gentleman of many talents. We all know of his listing abilities and his entertaining tribute videos in True Backlash presents; but he is also an artist, a […]


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