The End – BioShock Infinite ending

 

Hmmm… Well it looks like 2013 is going to be the year of firsts for Armada as well because we’re going to unleash another new segment here called ‘The End’ where we give you our opinion about the ending of a work of a story – primarily video games. And what better game to first talk about then BioShock Infinite’s ending. Now it’s been a couple weeks now so I’m safe to assume the majority of players bought the game and seen the ending already. However if you’re one of two people who has not seen the ending and doesn’t want it ruined for you please leave come back when you’re ready. For the rest of us, here’s the ending recap:

 

 

 

I’ve enjoy the game immensely, I’ve reviewed it to that effect but to be honest – this was the worst ending of all three games so far… Why? Because I saw nearly the entire plot coming: I knew Anna DeWitt / Elizabeth was Booker’s daughter, I knew Vox Populi would turn against me in the second half of the game, I knew the Lutece twins weren’t twins but alternate reality versions of themselves (and that they would never make sense in the story), and of course Booker DeWitt was in fact alternate reality Zachary Hale Comstock. How did I see this coming? Because not only did they borrow heavy from the BioShock games but other entertainment medias. What non-BioShock elements did they borrow from, well let’s see, there’s Lost, Sliders, the Jet Li Movie ‘The One’ and even Hypertime from the DC Universe. I’m sure there are more examples out there but these are enough. Where these other works did their take the whole ‘alternate realities’ in a somewhat the original way; BioShock Infinite ending just mashed all these elements in, added some questionable (and confusing) science, and called it a conclusion. And you know what, I’ve could have ignored all of that because fiction has a habit of copying other fiction (intentionally or not), but what I can’t condone is the fact the Infinite was the original and the sequel uninspiredly retold.

 

The original BioShock’s reveal

 

The first game’s outcome was brilliant, a masterwork of storytelling that questions whether we are our choices or are we choices made by others. The characters are awesome, just an enjoyable in general. The sequel characters were less memorable but the main baddie wanted to convert her daughter into a powerful symbol of her ideals (sounds familiar right). Also the main character in the sequel, named Delta, want’s to save the daughter from her fate and in turn the daughter sees Delta as a father figure (again familiar right). Its ending was less epic than the first but, I left satisfied. Infinite sums up like this: let make rapture again, but in the sky this time, and have only one little sister but make her the literal daughter of the main character and the antagonist at the same time, have nearly all the plot secondary characters killed off very easily like Andrew Ryan but without important subtext on the why, and finally end on the high note of lighthouses, magic science, and a non-noble sacrifice that, in the grand scheme of infinite parallel universes, is pointless.

 

BioShock 2 endings

 

 

Even that, that, is something I could give a pass to, but, and I mean it this time, the true issue I have against Infinite is the lack of choice. BioShock 1 & 2 allowed me to choose in key moments various outcomes (mainly good or evil, but still) that would affect the overall outcome.  In Infinite the choices are stupid, pointless, and had very little to no bearing in the story at all. For BioShock that’s freaken ridiculous. So what I’m supposed to accept fate as is, there’s no changing in so let your multiple dimensional daughters drown you in a baptismal pool for the good of the world? No, no BioShock Infinite, ending failure. In the end we have the power to transverse time and space and to see infinite number of worlds, outcomes, and choices and the story chooses to settle on one solution – the dumbest one possible because the plot demanded it. No. BioShock I expect better out of you, I expect, when it comes to story, you bring it – you didn’t this time. The game is great but its story’s a letdown and even though there’s DLCs in the future I’m not quite sure how they’ll be used story wise (my guess would be they just unlock new areas to explore).

 

I’m sorry if I went off the deep end there, but I wanted BioShock Infinite to be the next great chapter in the series. Not some reboot/rewrite of the first two games with an ending that’s equally lazy. It robs the player of being part of the BioShock universe (multiverse) and lacks the satisfactions of doing something meaningful in their world. Sadly like Halo 4 and WWE 13, BioShock Infinite will be one game that does everything right accept the most important thing, and what that thing is depends on the game, for Infinite it’s the ending and the outlining story. Not much to do now but to trade the game in and hope the next BioShock returns to form.

 

 

 

 

 

This just in (Or not) – ‘The Rock’ wants to rock the Star Wars Universe

 

Alrightly people  here’s some nifty Episode VII for you all today: the saturday night slammer and star of the silver screen  Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson has expressed interest in being in the upcoming Star Wars movies – which is awesome. The Rock is not only a skilled athlete but quite the charismatic character; I mean he invented words like ‘Smackdown’ and ‘Candy @ss’  and they became part of the English lexicon! When does that ever happen? So he could play anything from Sith to smugger; heck he could take the pioneering role the only Hutt with a six-pack. Sadly after Wrestle-mania ‘The Rock’ pulled the Hernia (is pulled the proper term for a Hernia) so we’ll be recovering for a while but J.J. give him a couple months then call him up. I want to see a force smack down dangit!

 

 

 

That’s Gamertainment: Coke Zero Commercial

 

Best. Commercial. Ever….

 

 

 

Trailer-Rama: Deadpool

 

The three rules of Deadpool:

 

1. Deadpool is crazy

 

2. Crazy is Deadpool

 

3. Is pool crazy Dead

 

Did that make much sense, no, but it’s freaken Shakespeare compared to the latest title from High Moon Studios featuring the merc with the mouth (that’s Deadpool). His mom says its the greatest game ever and who am I to disagree with that.

 

 

 

Wanted! Alive and Localized – Dragon Quest X

 

You know when I (and many gamers) made the call to bring Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney 5 to the rest of the world – Capcom wisely listened. Not only was it was a pretty neat cause and effect but it gave me the idea for a new segment called: Wanted! Alive and Localized. Where I make an impassionate plea to make certain awesome games available worldwide, like today subject Dragon Quest X. Now I’ll be honest here, the Dragon Quest series of games, at most, I’ve played once in a while. In fact the only games in the series I played were DQ VI (I think) & IX so I’m in no way an authority. However as a gamer of good standing I’ve come to find those two games were proof enough for me that Dragon Quest X would be good to localize. The DQ games are unique for both uphold the transitional RPG ways, but at the same time forward-thinking by trying something new every new sequel. What did Dragon Quest X do differently? Well besides being one of the first RPGs to be on a next gen (Wii U) game console but they took the leap and went MMO. Now, now, I hear the rabble now: “Consoles MMOs sucks” and/or “DQ X is not doing well.”

 

 

Yes, yes MMOs on consoles don’t generally do well, but if there’s one time tested property that could make a console MMO work it would be SquareEnix (so long as Final Fantasy has nothing to do with it we’ll be ok). As for the game itself not doing well in Japan, that’s not because the game is bad, but because new MMOs has a tough time breaking through when there are so many MMOs out already. It’s probably going to take months before this one gains any steam – all the more reason why Dragon Quest X should be localized: more markets, more players, more money. Despite the few things set against it I’m pretty sure this title will hit the world at large sooner rather than later; if for nothing else to give people a new game to play on the Wii U with. But hey I don’t care the reason as long as we get it:

 

SquareEnix: “Well Dragon Quest X will hit the European and North American markets to appease the cosmic entity Cthulhu.”

Me: “You said we’re getting Dragon Quest X?

SquareEnix: “Yes.”

Me: “Sweet.”

 

 

 

This just in (Or not) – Godzilla and Jurassic Park 4 next year

 

Now as we all know 2013 is the Year of Luigi but what will be the theme of next year? Why giant reptiles of course – more to the point Godzilla and Jurassic Park 4. Yes Godzilla, the original overseas giant monster, is succumbing to the rebooting rage of current times. The 2014 version will feature:

 

“a much darker tone instead of having a fun, campy feel like the original Godzilla movies”

 

Which might be a mistake, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the move but certain movies are legendary because of its origins – warts ‘n all. Take the Evil Dead series for example, sure the originals were scary as sheez but they were also funny as sheez too (and they had Bruce Campbell in it –WTF). However the Evil Dead reboot, premiered earlier this month, had the horror but none (or rather very little) of the humor (nor anyone close to a Bruce Campbell character) and people did take notice. Again I’m not wishing doom on it before they can the sucker, but Godzilla is so memorable for the ridiculousness of it all – or are they telling me I need to take a giant radioactive fire breathing (green fire by the by) lizard who sometimes fights a golden three headed hydra seriously.

 

As for Jurassic Park 4, I’ll be honest, after the first one, I loss interest in the series because I knew the first one was going to be the best one –and once again I was right. Lost world and on was a sad, boring mess; even the CGI dinos was phoning in it. I thought this would never get another chance at greatness, but I underestimated the power of nostalgia. So now it’s got another chance at life, however since there is very little information on JP4 right now it’s hard to get excited for this one as well. Now if those respecting movie houses somehow combine Godzilla with Jurassic Park I would see that flick in a heartbeat, but as of now it’s just sometime worth mentioning. Stay tuned.

 

Godzilla the 90’s cartoon show was (say it with me now) awesome. Watch it on Netflix today!

This just in (Or not) – LucasArts is put on the bus

 

First THQ, then Junction Point, now LucasArts, what the heck man, what the heck… See a few days ago Game Informer broke the story on how, the now Disney owned, LucasFilm made the decision to close down their game studio LucasArts and focus on licencing due to:

 

“minimizing the company’s risk while achieving a broader portfolio of quality Star Wars games”

 

Now I’ll be honest people I do not recall the last time LucasArts made a game that wasn’t Star Wars centered and/or really got people excited to play. That being said when they do a game that works, it works (Mercenaries: Playground of Destruction, Sam & Max, Monkey Island, 48% of their Star Wars games, etc); so having this interactive entertainment company being shut down really sucks. I also find it interesting that it’s Disney once again killing these companies. Look Disney – I’ve nothing against you, I like your movies, watch some of your TV shows, and generally don’t listen to the rumors about you. But stop messing up my video games would you please, because if there’s one IP out there who has way fewer title hits than LucasArts, is yours.

 

 

Mercenaries: Playground of Destruction. It was like GTA with awesome and LucasArts made this… Sometimes life’s just not fair.

Game Review – BioShock Infinite

 

Three things: one you guys didn’t think the “Really real” Game Review two days ago was really my thoughts on BioShock Infinite did you (come on just look at it), also did you all think I was really going to review  ‘Club Penguin’s Puffle Hotel Grand Opening’ today? No, no I am not, because, three, April’s fools. Of course you all knew that, hopefully, so today is the no joke game review of the long awaited entry in the BioShock series: BioShock Infinite. So this game already starts off with a fresh change of venue from the underwater city of rapture to the skyward metropolis that is Columba. You play Booker DeWitt, a down on his luck ex-solider & Pinkerton agent who has a colorful past. Well that past as caught up with him and in order to see another day he has to infiltrate Columbia to rescue a girl named Elizabeth. However DeWitt (as well as the player) will soon learn that this job will test him (and you) in ways anyone can’t fathom.

 

 

Infinite is one part social commentary, one part lesion in the theoretical, and the rest brilliant first person shooter. Half the stuff said throughout the game is basic period piece with the main characters reacting to it. However various portions of the game also throws in some pseudo-science that tries to suggests why Columbia (and the people living there) is able to do the things it does (like fly for one). Honestly I found those parts of the game more than a little confusing and unnecessary. Combat is similar to BioShock 2‘s style of play but includes new elements like an personal shield and equipment called Gears that add abilities or modifies DeWitt’s attacks. Finally once you have Elizabeth, players will come to find out she’s not an escort mission but a handy helper both inside and outside combat.

 

 

Rating

 

 

Yeah want did you expect really, BioShock Infinite proudly continues the series epic storytelling and fantastical settings. But my favorite part ladies and gentlemen is the combat, never have I had such a balanced FPS than Infinite. Sure the weapons aren’t very inventive (pistol-shotgun-machine gun-repeat) but every weapon has weight and impact and can be upgraded overtime. The Vigors take the place of Plasmids rather nicely as well, again the not the most original, but they too can be upgraded and can used as an attack or a trap. The added shield and gears really makes the combat more survivable, especially when you run out of bullets or salts (vigor juice). The Sky-hook may not look like it, but it is the most versatile weapon/tool in BioShock history. You can use it to make quick escapes and get to higher ground (via rail system) or beat down baddies and perform rather visceral finishers on a poor fool. And Elizabeth is the best thing to happen to players since Alyx Vance; interesting character you want to protect and know more about. At the same time in combat she’ll help by giving you ammo, health, salts, and more as the game goes on. Other than fuzzy science and some butt ugly NPC (which I’m pretty sure are nitpicks on my part) BioShock Infinite is one of those titles that you’ll want play again and again and again. You might have already (those who played the game will get that comment). Anywho get the game, play the game, enjoy the game, would you kindly (those who played the first game will get that comment).

 

 

 

Game Review – Luigi’s Mansion: Dark Moon

 

Mario, Mario, Mario. It’s always been about Mario; well not anymore because Nintendo has proclaimed 2013 as the Year of Luigi starting with this: Luigi’s Mansion – Dark Moon, the sequel to the Gamecube title Luigi’s Mansion. In that game Luigi took a starting role as reluctant ghost hunter to, with the help of Professor E. Gadd and his Poltergust 3000, save Mario from ghosts in a semi creepy mansion. He does and gets a house out the deal, nice. This time around the valley of ‘Evershade’ is in trouble because some malevolent force destroyed the Dark Moon, which kept the ghosts there in check. Now they’re out of control and since the good professor only knows one ghost hunter he bring Luigi back into service –  much to Luigi’s everlasting fear.

 

 

Dark Moon is very similar to the original game as Luigi can capture ghosts using a combination of flashlight (to weaken ghosts), dark light (to find them) and sweeper (with the new Poltergust 5000 to capture or contain them). However the 5000’s dark light & suction capacities can be upgraded to better effectiveness. Not stuck in a mansion this time around (although you do start there) Luigi takes his ghost busting ways all over the valley capturing ghosts, unearthing treasures (you’ll need them for the upgrades), solving puzzles and most importantly finding pieces of the Dark Moon to put it back together again. Controlling wee-gee on the 3DS is a little different, but after a few levels you’ll get the hang of it – or run screaming to your mama.

 

 

Rating

 

 

This is why I prefer portable game console games over app games: complete, thought-out game experience and not some extremely repetitive process. Dark Moon is the total gaming package backed up with the awesome power of the 3DS (which the game looks great on by the by); variety of ghosts to test your skills on (both new and old), puzzles that was rack your brain on, treasures to get your bling on, boss fights to get on (your nerves – in a good way), heck it even has various co-op and online modes to show your friends who’s the best buster in the yard is. Some control issues aside Luigi’s Mansion: Dark Moon is a real winner and a fun light hearted adventure with Luigi. Tomorrow’s review is the one long awaited game that’s may change the face storytelling – that’s right Club Penguin’s Puffle Hotel Grand Opening.

 

 

 

Really real Game Review: BioShock Infinite

 

Well people it’s finally here, BioShock Infinite, after years of teasing, interviews, and award after award – the gamer at large was able to get their hands on it. It sucks. I’m sorry all, it does, and it sucks that it sucks. It is the possible the worst game to be played by man and sold in store. The only reason I haven’t taken this game back the first day I’ve played it is because of my journalistic principles to write down this review telling you all how much it sucks. Well… Let’s get this over with.

 

Not game footage, but you should be thankful I’m sparing it from you all with random youtube poop. You’re welcome.

Players play as Booker DeWitt a sexist, crude, unlikeable character who has done nothing to help humanity. All he does is drink, smoke and chase skirts. Unfortunately that sort life does catch up with you, now he owes people from coast to coast in one form or another. Apparently his debt is so huge that the only way to pay it off is to infiltrate a flying steampunk city and kidnap and magic girl from religious american zealous. Who’d you gamble with Booker, the devil?

 

The flying city of Columbia is a deathtrap, there is absolutely no room to move and every wrong step is a plummet to the sodden below. Of course that’s preferable way to  die compared to abysmal combat in the game. For some sort of tough guy, Booker can’t take a punch for nothing, always needing lizzy to pick his weak butt up. Speaking of which, Elizzabeth is the worst CPU character since tinkle; stupid, useless and good for nothing – it is the escort mission that won’t end.

 

 

Rating

 

This blows, this sucks, it is not only the wrong game the series, and of the year, but the worst game period. It needs to burn in the fiery pits of obscurity – forever.

Ug, ug Ybnem Vuumc Tyo! Drec ech’d so  naym PeuCrulg najeaf pid dryd femm pa yjyemypma eh dra vaf tyoc. Eh dra sayh desa tuh’d pinh tufh so ruica, dryhgc.