Game Review – BioShock Infinite

BioShock Infinite


Three things: one you guys didn’t think the “Really real” Game Review two days ago was really my thoughts on BioShock Infinite did you (come on just look at it), also did you all think I was really going to review  ‘Club Penguin’s Puffle Hotel Grand Opening’ today? No, no I am not, because, three, April’s fools. Of course you all knew that, hopefully, so today is the no joke game review of the long awaited entry in the BioShock series: BioShock Infinite. So this game already starts off with a fresh change of venue from the underwater city of rapture to the skyward metropolis that is Columba. You play Booker DeWitt, a down on his luck ex-solider & Pinkerton agent who has a colorful past. Well that past as caught up with him and in order to see another day he has to infiltrate Columbia to rescue a girl named Elizabeth. However DeWitt (as well as the player) will soon learn that this job will test him (and you) in ways anyone can’t fathom.



Infinite is one part social commentary, one part lesion in the theoretical, and the rest brilliant first person shooter. Half the stuff said throughout the game is basic period piece with the main characters reacting to it. However various portions of the game also throws in some pseudo-science that tries to suggests why Columbia (and the people living there) is able to do the things it does (like fly for one). Honestly I found those parts of the game more than a little confusing and unnecessary. Combat is similar to BioShock 2‘s style of play but includes new elements like an personal shield and equipment called Gears that add abilities or modifies DeWitt’s attacks. Finally once you have Elizabeth, players will come to find out she’s not an escort mission but a handy helper both inside and outside combat.







Yeah want did you expect really, BioShock Infinite proudly continues the series epic storytelling and fantastical settings. But my favorite part ladies and gentlemen is the combat, never have I had such a balanced FPS than Infinite. Sure the weapons aren’t very inventive (pistol-shotgun-machine gun-repeat) but every weapon has weight and impact and can be upgraded overtime. The Vigors take the place of Plasmids rather nicely as well, again the not the most original, but they too can be upgraded and can used as an attack or a trap. The added shield and gears really makes the combat more survivable, especially when you run out of bullets or salts (vigor juice). The Sky-hook may not look like it, but it is the most versatile weapon/tool in BioShock history. You can use it to make quick escapes and get to higher ground (via rail system) or beat down baddies and perform rather visceral finishers on a poor fool. And Elizabeth is the best thing to happen to players since Alyx Vance; interesting character you want to protect and know more about. At the same time in combat she’ll help by giving you ammo, health, salts, and more as the game goes on. Other than fuzzy science and some butt ugly NPC (which I’m pretty sure are nitpicks on my part) BioShock Infinite is one of those titles that you’ll want play again and again and again. You might have already (those who played the game will get that comment). Anywho get the game, play the game, enjoy the game, would you kindly (those who played the first game will get that comment).




Really real Game Review: BioShock Infinite



Well people it’s finally here, BioShock Infinite, after years of teasing, interviews, and award after award – the gamer at large was able to get their hands on it. It sucks. I’m sorry all, it does, and it sucks that it sucks. It is the possible the worst game to be played by man and sold in store. The only reason I haven’t taken this game back the first day I’ve played it is because of my journalistic principles to write down this review telling you all how much it sucks. Well… Let’s get this over with.


Not game footage, but you should be thankful I’m sparing it from you all with random youtube poop. You’re welcome.

Players play as Booker DeWitt a sexist, crude, unlikeable character who has done nothing to help humanity. All he does is drink, smoke and chase skirts. Unfortunately that sort life does catch up with you, now he owes people from coast to coast in one form or another. Apparently his debt is so huge that the only way to pay it off is to infiltrate a flying steampunk city and kidnap and magic girl from religious american zealous. Who’d you gamble with Booker, the devil?


The flying city of Columbia is a deathtrap, there is absolutely no room to move and every wrong step is a plummet to the sodden below. Of course that’s preferable way to  die compared to abysmal combat in the game. For some sort of tough guy, Booker can’t take a punch for nothing, always needing lizzy to pick his weak butt up. Speaking of which, Elizzabeth is the worst CPU character since tinkle; stupid, useless and good for nothing – it is the escort mission that won’t end.






This blows, this sucks, it is not only the wrong game the series, and of the year, but the worst game period. It needs to burn in the fiery pits of obscurity – forever.

Ug, ug Ybnem Vuumc Tyo! Drec ech’d so  naym PeuCrulg najeaf pid dryd femm pa yjyemypma eh dra vaf tyoc. Eh dra sayh desa tuh’d pinh tufh so ruica, dryhgc.




Trailer-Rama Week – Pacific Rim + BioShock Infinite



It’s a shame but there are not enough giant robot movies out in the world. My earliest movie memory is, you guessed it, giant fighting robots. I don’t remember the name though, all I do remember is a good guy bot fighting a black bad guy bot with four spider-like arms (and no it wasn’t animated –if anyone knows what I’m talking about, and knows the name, please yet me know).  Ever since then I’ve seen giant robo cartoons(foreign & domestic), played giant robo video games (foreign & domestic) and even owned not-so- giant robo action figures (foreign & domestic) – but giant robo movie are a rare thing indeed. Then out of no where here comes this beautiful piece of cinema that shows what they should have done a long time ago when facing any problem that threaten man kind – make a giant robot. I swear the zombie apocalypse would be a 5 minute scuffle when up against a nuclear powered death machine.  Fortunately they won’t be doing that (Zombies are played out) they’ll be fighting against giant monsters and aliens – finally my life is complete.






Finally, BioShock Infinite. In four days this game comes out, we all play, joy.  And of course you’ll get all the reviewy goodness here at Video Game Armada. Stay tuned.




Trailer-Rama Week – Saints Row 4


Well people BioShock Infinite is coming out in a week and couldn’t be more excited – but am I ready? After spending all this time in my SimCity Zen garden, reflecting on my gaming journey to this point, and becoming one with the universe I’ve come to the conclusion, that, I miss taking out randoms with various weapons, powers, and my own two fists. I also miss bending over a boss and beating the sweet, sweet, loot out of it. Finally I miss that awesome feeling of playing a game from beginning to end, enjoying the experience, and letting you all know what I thought about it (and anyone else who asked). So am I ready? Oh heck yeah, but I’m still going to sharpen my skills til the game’s releases, so what that means is a full week of new trailers (with an extra trailer on Friday since I missed Monday). With that Saints Row 4! Yep slated as a DLC before THQ downfall, now in the reigns of Deep Silver it is a full-fledged game. So how do you top the awesome chaos that was Saints Row: the Third? By added super powers, aliens, and making the Saints leader (You) the president of the United States in the process. I said it before, and I’ll say it again: Video Game is the ultimate entertainment media.




This just in (Or not) – Team Fortress 2 news



Ah Team Fortress 2, I can always count on you to make things ez 4 me. How so today, well, they’re now available to play on Linux based computers so now no one’s safe from getting shanked from the Spy’s Knife. But wait, what if you already play TF2 on PC (windows) or Mac and want new costumes/hats and plan to get BioShock Infinite – well I got some good news for you. If enough players pre-order BioShock Infinite on Steam then they will unlock the newest batch of TF2 BioShock Infinite hats for those who pre-ordered like “The Pounding Father” or “The Person in the Iron Mask”. Pre-orderers also have a chance to unlock the original BioShock and X-Com: Enemy Unknown as well, so you Steam punks out there get ordering. Make the heavy proud.





Games & Gear of 2013 – BioShock Infinite (3/26/2013)

BioShock Infinite


BioShock Infinite… Whoa, wait, wait! It’s not out yet, come back, come back. I know you all are excited, I am too. It’s a brand new day with Infinite as everything is brand spanking new: new characters, a new setting (and this one flies), new powers, and new enemies. Don’t let the newness fool you however some things still over true when it comes to BioShock. Like trying to survive a hostile environment where 98% of the populous wants to kill you while the other 2% merely wants to maim you. Also, in BioShock fashion, I bet you can make choices that could affect the city of Columbia in unexpected and/or disastrous ways. Oooh! You can be freak sure that some of the new enemies are giant, colossal, mechanical monstrosities that will test your abilities to the limit every, single time. You know what? Wait for me guys, I’m coming too.





Trailer-Rama: BioShock Infinite Industrial Revolution Trailer


You all know BioShock Infinite is coming out March 26. Of course you do. You all know that this takes place in a Steampunk flying city where two equally crazy factions are tearing that  city a new one. Of course you do. You all know that its our job to wade through that civil war, braving the dangers of a slowly deteriorating city, and fight man made and mystical monsters to save a girl of unbelievable power. Of course you do. Did you know that if you pre-order BioShock Infinite now you can get the Industrial Revolution Pack which can boost the combat abilities of your character (as well as other interesting goodies)? Well you know now, check out the trailer.




Gameroween 2012/ Trailer-rama *special*– Video Game Characters that make awesome costumes (Day 10)



Ok this is another Gameroween & Trailer-rama tie-in but I swear its all game, a game that’s not out yet, but game still: The Songbird from the upcoming BioShock Infinite title. The only thing pretty about Songbird is the name – everything else is 100% Frankenstein. Made by twisted pseudo science this dark protector was created for one purpose and one purpose only: to protect Elizabeth, the heroine of the game. Once the main character takes her from her prison Songbird goes on a rampage to get her back. In a flying island where internal conflicts are constant and filled with peoples, cyborgs, and creatures both fantastic and deadly: Songbird is the one they all fear. Dressing up as him will instill some of that same fear this Halloween, but I’ll be honest I have no idea how to go about it. If some inventive reader out there does figure it out, sent us a pic, we’ll make you famous (well minimal internet famous anyway).





To help those who are willing to make the costume I found this blueprint at The Real Redneck Geek website by Kevin Martin. Choose to follow it or get crazy – you know what I would add? Rocket launchers. Everything’s better with rocket launchers.




This just in (Or not) – Irrational Games wants You (to be in BioShock Infinite)!


Well people its April already so you know what that means – PAX East is coming to town (well someone’s town, not mine sadly). Anyway for those who don’t know Penny Arcade Expo, or PAX, is a major festival devoted to, what else, video games and gaming in general. Created by the guys who authored the Penny Arcade web comic the PAX Prime, PAX East, and PAX Dev events have been going on for years now. This year however has a special contest running; they’ll be giving out paper top hats at the front door with the Infinite logo on it, if an employee of Irrational catches you with one on then you might be on your way to become the next gaming legend on BioShock Infinite! Now I’m unsure in what capacity they’ll use the images they selected for. After all they could just use their faces as random corpse dressing – but I’m not going to take that chance. Sadly due to other commitments I won’t be able to make PAX East personality, but I will put a photoshopped BioShock Infinite top hat on a picture my CGI avatar likeness and send it to the Irrational Games twitter feed. Sure it may not work but hey with video games anything is possible! Here the pic by the by:


Hey! I just had a thought; I'll pay someone $100 Bison dollars to cosplay as me for PAX east. That’s a steal ladies and gentlemen, everyone knows a Bison dollar with be worth five British Pound(s) once he kidnaps their queen.




Games & Gear of 2012 – Bioshock Infinite (10/16/2012)


I’ve always loved the Bioshock games; I like the 2nd one a little bit better only because you were able to play as a Prototype Big Daddy (never mind those nay sayers – it was awesome). The one thing I’ve never liked however is the whole underwater aspect; I mean I get why because of psychological tone it was trying to set up (trap in a place full of psycos and virtually no means of escape). But for me I like elbow room while trying to avoid the crazies and bringing down the daddies – well that won’t be a problem in their next game, Bioshock Infinite, because instead of the threat of drowning, one wrong step and you’ll be taking the express to terra firma. The story’s a little familiar but the setting and constant threat of the unknown is enough to get people excited – and if you’re still not, what’s wrong with you this is Bioshock we’re talking about here.